that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
