You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
