"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
