Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize