I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
