I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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