Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
