Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
