Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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