Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
