I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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