Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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