So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize