I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
