508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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