Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
