It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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