the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize