chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
