now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
