I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
