In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
