just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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