Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
