Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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