Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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