In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
