We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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