i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
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this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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