Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
nutella sex= disaster
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
