i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
