The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
