I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
