Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm passing your future prison.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
