Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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