just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
