Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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