went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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