3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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