I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
