im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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