We named our party play list daddy issues
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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