That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
