i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
