We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
