Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
