I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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