someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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