Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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