Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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