That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
