Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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