his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
