My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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