Small penises have feelings too.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
