the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
