I cannot find my penis.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
