Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
