Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
