i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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