in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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