Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
