I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
