cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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