what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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