Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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