You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
