we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
