smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
