so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
