I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
