Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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