If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
