Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
