Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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