It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
