Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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